Christening tomorrow

Baby girl is 4 months old day! I can hardly believe it. And tomorrow we'll be Christening her.

I feel so frustrated with DH right now, I feel as if he hasn't done a thing to help me with this Christening. He's bearly been involved at all. We're having a little get together after the church christening, at his parents' house. But I've been the one to do the majority of the organising. All he did was call the 4 families on his side of the guest list. Otherwise it's like pulling teeth with him!! Even just to sit and hash out all the details was such an ordeal!! And now I've been pointing out things that we didn't do today that we should have, and that we have to do tomorrow and he's so....don't-care-ish! And now, he's sleeping on the couch....He really really has been driving me crazy lately. I honestly don't feel like he's in this parenting thing with me all the way. And it makes me want to cry. I think he feels "been there done that" and just couldn't be bothered. Sure he spends time with LO, but I can't say if he really actively seeks out and wants to. He talks big, but his actions don't reflect it. He took no days off when we first got home from the hospital when she was born, he went partying twice 2 weeks later (I'll still never forgive him for that), even now, usually once a week after work he'd stay out liming and drinking, and come home after she's in bed and drunk. And then hungover and miserable all teh next day. He obviously isn't rushing to spend time with her on those occassions!

*Sigh* I love him but he breaks my heart. And I know he loves her, but...not enough to change or bend his lifestyle I guess.

And now that I have LO to deal with, I've kind of had to step away from parenting SD cause I don't have enough time. And I've been trying to leave things in his hands, but he can be so self centred sometimes!! Tonight he ate dinner at 8pm, our normal dinner time. But he never even put out for SD or asked if she was hungry and ready to eat! So I tried to leave it alone and see if he'd remember her, but by 9 I had to call her to come and eat dinner, and put out her food. Why do I have to do this, why isn't he remembering to take care of his child? *Sigh* Is this how Husbands are?Is this "normal" behaviour? Or is something deeper wrong here?

I just wish I had my best friend back to help my raise this child with. The decision to get pregnant was NOT mine alone! He wanted it just as much. In fact, he was teh one who used to talk about it more than me! So how did I lose him?

Once again, I seem to have given up everything for this one thing, isn't that something. It was worth it, but it breaks my heart to pieces.



"One Thing" - Finger Eleven

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

[Chorus:]If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x2]

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds