To all those Mommas out there who are now starting to breast feed: I know it’s hard, I know it sucks, and it hurts. I know your nipples are sore, and maybe even cracked and bleeding. And maybe baby isn’t doing it right, and you’re frustrated and ready to throw in the towel. But take my word for it…It gets better!
Give yourself 3-4 weeks, and I promise it starts to get better.
I had such a rough start. My baby was premature and her sucking reflex had not come in as yet, so I had to express drop by precious drop, starting first to gather in a little spoon, til later when I was able to machine-expressed into a bottle, 0.5oz at a time, and feed her from a little medicine cup. Finally, by day 5 she got a hang of sucking, and I was able to stop feeding her from the cup.
But it hurt so much; her little mouth couldn’t properly take in my whole breast, so she used to suck just the nipple. Sometimes I was in so much pain feeding her that I would cry streams while she sucked, and I had to count the seconds trying to separate myself from the pain, knowing she’d be done soon, and that I HAD to do this for my little baby.
My right nipple was very flat, so getting her to take that one was always more difficult. And then that one got cracked and started bleeding, and was hell to feed her from. By that point my poor husband, seeing me in all that pain, was practically begging me to feed her formula instead. But I was determined.
I had to feed her only from the left boob, and express the right in order to maintain my supply in it while it healed.
And eventually it did heal one day. But by then she had established the left boob as her favourite one, and the milk production was twice what the right made.
Weeks passed, and I was still miserable but determined to keep going. Breast feeding tied me down, and stole my time, but my little one was worth it. And eventually, the supply in my right almost matched that of my left.
And then one day I realized it wasn’t hurting any more. I didn’t LOVE breast feeding though; I found it messy and miserable and uncomfortable still, but bearable. And it’s best for my baby, so I was determined.
My little one is now 3 months old, and today I realized, I LOVE breast feeding her. I still think it’s messy (she’s a messy eater and pulls away a lot), and it’s still uncomfortable sometimes, and I still hide away from everyone when I need to feed her, too shy to feed in public, but I love doing it. And not just cause it’s best for her.
The bond you experience is so intimate. And the way she sometimes looks up at me and smiles while nursing absolutely melts my heart. I love that kid.
I’ll be starting back work in a little over a week, and I’m dreading being away from her, so I know that those feeding times will be even more special when we’re together again.
I aim to keep feeding her until she’s about 7 or 8 months, but now I completely understand those moms who continue to nurse until age 2 or even later. I don’t think I’ll be that mom, but I understand her better. And I hope to be able to give my precious baby this gift of liquid gold for as long as possible. I’m starting to wonder if I can wean her at 8 months but continue to express til she’s at least a year. We’ll see what happens. But I digress…
As I was saying at the beginning….
To all you new mothers out there now starting to breast feed, I promise it gets better, keep it up. I know it’s hard, but you’re strong, you just had a baby after all! It’s worth it to your baby, and it’s worth it for the bond you share together, that no one else can share. Keep it up, you can do it!
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